Just Sorting Out Thoughts....boring stuff.

I am bored, I have not been bored since the girls have been out of school.

I have been puttering around the house doing this and that...and not get anything really finished. I started pulling weeds, and that bored me, I started doing laundry but really don't care to fold it. Dishes I have looked at and thought about doing...obviously did not think too hard about it; they are still sitting in the sink begging to be done. I did a little work on my painting, but I need to let it dry before I can finish it up.

Along with doing this and that around the house I have been overthinking. Overthinking is never good, never, ever good.

One million and one thoughts racing through my head all the stuff that can wrong but nothing can go right, how I loathe my negative thinking. Though I have had a nice break from it. Now one must gorge ones feeling, to be able to let it go.

I hate when I get all subbie with a man, it sucks but yet I crave it. I really like my new Dom, he is a fantastic man, he makes me feel good inside and out. I know the relationship is new, I know good things can come of it....but I want to run. I am getting scared that I will fall for him, I don't like that feeling, it is a feeling of losing control. I don't want to let my controll go once again, and get burned. And I was doing good with maintaining my control, keeping my composure but I feel it slipping and once I give it to him I know the chase is gone and I will be left feeling empty and used.

I can't do that again, I just don't have it is me.

Also I found out  that he is only four months out of his last relationship, he was with her for 1 1/2 years, and  they were planning on moving in together. I am first girl since break up, which leaves me once again a rebound girl. Rebound girl is not a fun role to play, it sucks. Why? Just why is it that I run into this, there must be something about me, and I don't know what it is...it is so frustrating.

I enjoy playing with him, he is very effective with his hands and belt...very yummy for my masochist. There is a trust there, there is a mutational respect, he seems to care very much. But I know how rebounds go, and though his intentions are good, and pure I know how quick one can swich. I know how easy I am to replace, and how easy I am to hurt.

I can't do it again, I don't have it in me.

I can let this ride out, and I can hope that I am the exception. But I know better, people are people and as unique as we may want to make ourselves seem, we all travel in the the same predictability. Call me cynical (tis the truth) but cynicism does have its place and more often than not it is right on target.

I think next time I see him I will bring this up, he deserves to know where I am at in my thoughts, and I deserve to let my feeling be known.

Music, All About Pain.

I have been busy doing not much of anything at all.

Some music I like, both songs on the darker side of love.

Six Days of Grace "Pain" 

How I can relate on so many levels.

Eminem and Rihanna with "Love the Way You Lie" the ultimate toxic relationship that one can't seem to kick, just like a drug...up and down then up again. Been there, can't say I enjoyed the ride. 

Me and My But's

I am in a funk

I hate being in a funk, I am no fun, I am cynical, I am more unmotivated than usually (did not think it was possible, but yet it is) and worse Yet!! I am becoming my mom.

So how does one deal with this??

Well I tried my go to method of just avoiding this funk, in hopes it will just go away.
But that did not work out so well.

Tried getting out, that  help a little...but yet still the feeling remains.

Tried to make myself all pretty, but that only made more work for me.

Tried being positive, but positive is so hard to do when one is cynical.

Sarcasm, sarcasm was good for a minute or two but then I end up pissing people off, and well that is never a good feeling. Also it kinda sorta pushes people away. But is fun at the time... quick fix with a down side.

I could drink and get drunk, but I am not found of the feeling, brings back to many not so good memories.

Tried watching funny shows but I became bored and the shows became uninteresting.

Of course my imps put a smile on my face but when you are in a funk that is not enough.

Oh!! holy hell... I am just one big BUT!!!

I Feel a Rant Coming On.....

"My life is easy" said daughter, if only she knew.

 I love my children more then anything in the world, but they are driving me insane;  OK just one is driving me insane... that is my oldest. She is nine,  moody, and unreasonable, ughh...  i thought the whole teenage thing did not start till they turned thirteen, right?!?!

I lost my motivation, I think it might be playing hide and seek. And with no motivation I have no want to look for it. Also daughter is not helping, good god of all... how the hell am I supposta survive tweens and teens? I have 3 girls...one after the other and the other. I could say it is karma, but I was of little trouble for my mom. I am prob getting my sister brunt of mama karma. Just not fair!!

I am needing a break from motherhood, I feel less and less like an adult every day....I get to read all the wonderful blogs out there and get a taste of what it is to be an adult. Yet not so much in my life. If I have to watch one more episode of the many horrid Disney shows out  there, I think i might go completely insane.

Insane I tell ya, insane in the membrane...


Yep!" My life is easy", said daughter.

Mama Karma is a bitch, said mom

Watch my middle who causes me little problem will get mama karma. So not fair.

lazy...

To write or not to write...
Not to write. 

The song of the day is....drum roll.... The Lazy Song!!!