So tired, tired of snow days, tired of sick kids, tired of being a taxi driver, tired of being a referee, tired of being a maid, tired of complaining....just tired, tired of being tired.
I love my children more than life itself, I would die for them, I would kill for them...I would walk to the ends of the earth for them but....... I need me time, time to have fun, time to be around other adults, time to let go of the momma persona just for a minute....Yet I know I would feel guilty. Will the mama guilt ever stop? Will I ever be able to be my own person again without feeling guilty? Will I ever feel that I do enough, will enough ever be enough?
Don't get me wrong I LOVE being a mom; I would not change that for all the money, power, and fame in the world. I feel lucky to have my girls, and the thought of not having them, well that thought is too dreadful to allow crossing my mind. Yet still I want to feel somewhat human and less like a.....I don't know a good word for what I feel, maybe kind of like an extension of my children with no identity of my own, Yes! That is how I feel.
It has been quite a while since I have had a kid free day; other than when they are at school but that time is spent cleaning, laundry, dishes, and it seems no matter how much I do that I will never catch up, no matter how much I do it will never be enough.... so I give up and do some things I enjoy like writing post for this blog, art, and the worse guilty pleasure is wasting time on Facebook playing stupid games just for an escape from the mundane chores of everyday life, and the chaos of three girls constantly fighting...fight about this, fight about that, fight! fight! fight! Ughh....
Did I mention the guilt for doing anything other than my motherly duties...so sick of the guilt, so tired of being tired?