How I love to be played with by Sir, he knows all the right spots... all the right things to say and do. He can bring me to my knees with such ease. So why is it that I am having an inner struggle inside, little miss I don't need anyone, too proud to admit I like the way he treats me...respect my authority for it is the only authority... too big for my own britches...you can't catch me naa-naa-. She won't get out of my head... Dang bitch is nagging me... telling me that happiness cannot be found with in submission.
The so called voice of reason is telling me yo mama has taught you better than this. Calling me a fool, screaming and yelling... to Stop.
I am saying to little miss know it all “but I am having such fun, and am so content". "What can be wrong with that... Sir makes me smile", "being submissive to him gives me such satisfaction that at times is incomprehensible, how easily I fell into the role... how well the dynamic works, at to what ease we seem to fit".
I know what it is I want... not so sure it is what I need... maybe that is what the inner struggle is about, needs vs. Wants. Often I put myself out of the equation... only taking my needs for survival and when I do take a want I feel guilty about it. The good ol" momma guilt trip... I have never really had to balance the two rolls of being women, and of being mother. Mother has always been top priority since the birth of my first child. The woman has been pushed back to live only in my fantasies.
Now I must learn to be both for they go hand and hand but at times it is hard to define the woman inside and to give into her needs and wants. Because what mother wants to feel the slap of a man’s hand hitting hard on her ass or to be tied up and told what to do. Now the woman does... she loves all of that.
Oh the dilemmas of a mind constantly pondering the whys, what’s, how comes, and how the hell do I get the mind to just be quiet... there now is the justification of a good hard thorough spanking. Oh the woman must come out and play.