Finally spring has arrived!
Kink has been a bit on the light side. The last time we went
really intense and dark was in March. We were going to try a couple of weeks
ago but my head was in a bad place so we decided to go lighter. We have been
really soft on the S/M aspect; the last time my ass got a good beating was in
March. There was a light ass beating a week or so ago, and I was a big wimp
with it, I could not believe how little I could take before I was calling
yellow and my yellow quickly became a red.
I am wondering if I am just bored with it and unable to get
into that headspace, or simply I just need a break.
I am so new at this that I don't really know what to expect
in the long run. I don't know if it will become a passing phase, or it ebbs and
flows, in out and in again.
My sex drives seems to be taking a hit as well, as of late I
have been more into the cuddles, and sweet kisses then the actual sex part....I
mean I still get horny, and my fantasies are as vivid as ever, it just is not
the same, it is odd for me. I still give it my all when I am with him; it just
is my head is not in the same place as it was before.
It could be because I have been with Jay for almost a year
now, and we are in the comfort zone. It is nice to be in a comfort zone, but at
the same time I feel sort of lost. I am not familiar with this zone, it has
been a while.
I do miss the super kinky sex....the like all the time kind,
where it last all day and I walk out with a very well beaten ass. My throat
sore from sucking and licking and taken him down as deep his cock will go. I
mean we still kind of do that but not with the same undertone...I don't know,
it just is different, not like it was.
I fear this is the end of the thrill, and I really, really
like the thrill, then I start to think maybe it is the beginning of something
new and more spectacular.
I am out of my comfort zone here and I don't know how to
react, or what to do, or how I should feel.....ughh....
