May 6, 2014

Not Quite the Same.

Finally spring has arrived!

Kink has been a bit on the light side. The last time we went really intense and dark was in March. We were going to try a couple of weeks ago but my head was in a bad place so we decided to go lighter. We have been really soft on the S/M aspect; the last time my ass got a good beating was in March. There was a light ass beating a week or so ago, and I was a big wimp with it, I could not believe how little I could take before I was calling yellow and my yellow quickly became a red.

I am wondering if I am just bored with it and unable to get into that headspace, or simply I just need a break.

I am so new at this that I don't really know what to expect in the long run. I don't know if it will become a passing phase, or it ebbs and flows, in out and in again.

My sex drives seems to be taking a hit as well, as of late I have been more into the cuddles, and sweet kisses then the actual sex part....I mean I still get horny, and my fantasies are as vivid as ever, it just is not the same, it is odd for me. I still give it my all when I am with him; it just is my head is not in the same place as it was before.

It could be because I have been with Jay for almost a year now, and we are in the comfort zone. It is nice to be in a comfort zone, but at the same time I feel sort of lost. I am not familiar with this zone, it has been a while.

I do miss the super kinky sex....the like all the time kind, where it last all day and I walk out with a very well beaten ass. My throat sore from sucking and licking and taken him down as deep his cock will go. I mean we still kind of do that but not with the same undertone...I don't know, it just is different, not like it was.

I fear this is the end of the thrill, and I really, really like the thrill, then I start to think maybe it is the beginning of something new and more spectacular.

I am out of my comfort zone here and I don't know how to react, or what to do, or how I should feel.....ughh....  


  1. This is exactly how I feel....Am I doing something wrong? Am I just wanting something darker? What did you do? It is actually causing problems because I feel like I am letting Master down and I'm not getting the satisfaction that I am use to receiving from this... But I know that I can never stop because I crave and need this type of relationship.. Thank goodness, he has patience ....

    1. Sorry Anon for me taking a bit to respond.

      I looked a little deeper inside myself and came to the realization that stress was playing a great big role in how I was reacting to kink. I do hope that helped, if just a little.