Orgasm are something I have had trouble with for as long as I have been sexual active....and I love sex, I love the way it feels, I love the closeness and I love to make the man I am with cum...Love, love, love it…and that is where I get off, yet my lack of being able to orgasm has been the frustration of my past lovers.
One of the things I discussed with Jay when we first started talking was for him to not get offended by the fact that I do not orgasm easily, that I derived my pleasure from his pleasure. He accepted that fact about me, though I think there were times when it bothered him.
As time has gone by with him, as I have learned I can let go around him and not feel so self-conscious. With him allowing me to let go when I am on top, to move the way that feels best for me, and with in all of that I have been able to orgasm, truly have an orgasm, the ones that make you feel all gooey after.... also helps that his cock hits the happy spot so perfectly.
He has asked what has changed? I simply said "I am comfortable with you, and your cock hits my happy spot", but it is more than that. I feel a comfort with him that I have never felt with anyone before. He has open doors for me that have never been open before, he has been vulnerable around me, I feel free when I am with him, I do not feel judged, I never feel as if he would demean me (at least outside the bedroom). He is something I have never experienced before. I have never felt this comfortable sexually with a man before. I am amazed by him.
At times I want a more full time thing; at times I want him to ask more of me, as his submissive. I want him to have more control over me; I think I would thrive with him having more control over me, yet that is not plausible and there is still so much uncertainty with us.