January 20, 2014

Second Rant; Feelings

  Feelings can be so icky, and showing them is downright scary...makes one feel naked out in the cold. I personally do not like sharing my feelings, and it seems every time I have the courage to do so there is a backlash.

Now when I have shared my feeling it comes out gushing, it comes out overflowing, and I know it is overwhelming to the person I am sharing all my feeling, thoughts and revelation with ( I seem to be an all or nothing kind of girl), and I know I am not being fair.

I have had major backlash with that approach as well. Which makes sharing even more difficult for me, I continue to stuff, and I continue to shut down, till once again I find the courage to open up and the cycle is repeated or the person leaves me...getting sick of my drama; though it is not drama to me, it is all I know.

I am not a big fan of hurting other people. If I think my feeling may hurt someone, I just keep them inside; in the long run it becomes self-defeating. I end up either resenting the person or I start to loathe myself. It all ends up taking a toll on me, I become depleted, I pull back and again I ruined another perfectly fine relationship. 

 These are two varying methods of showing my feelings, one showing too much at once, the other not showing anything at all.

I realize the balance is with in communicating my feelings as they appear, and not waiting to let them fester deep down to my inside, till they burst out like soda from a can.

To do that I need two things, and that is trust, and courage. Courage to share my feelings with the ones I care about, and trusting they are able to handle my feeling appropriately. 

Now I just need to apply, knowing it will take a few tries to get it right.

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