January 28, 2014

Fourth Rant; Vulnerability

V.U.L.N.E.R.A.B.I.L.I.T.Y....How the hell does one become vulnerable? It meaning alone is enough to say "whoa...hold back there cowboy."

 Vulnerability definition: susceptible to physical or emotional attack or harm.

Talk about needing trust!!!

I don't even think I could be vulnerable, no matter how much trust I put in another.

How does one expose so much of themselves to another?

I can't seem to be able to wrap my head around such trust, such confidence in another human to not take advantage of such openness.

Every time I have let someone in, even just a tiny bit...they have exploited that tiny bit of vulnerability, leaving me depleted, lost and confused.

Emotional pain is by far the worst pain, emotional pain wounds you, leaves you with scabs. Scabs open and ooze, they are easy to pick away and show the rawness of the pain. They then heal to leave scars that are a constant reminder of all the pain. 

And being vulnerable, as defined above; leads to wounds that turn into scabs that fade into scars, to always remind you.

So how does one become V.U.L.N.E.R.A.B.L.E?

At times I could see where being vulnerable could be freeing.  It could be freeing to let go of all past hurts and regrets and feelings. It may be able to help clean the slate, per se; to let go, to move on, to feel a deeper connection to one.

But somehow I feel that may just be some kind of pipe dream, because the definition above does not mention anything about vulnerability leading to freedom of self. 

So for now vulnerability will remain a dirty word.

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