January 4, 2013
Working on Me
With Sir I learned quite a bit about myself, I learned that I can feel byond sex, that I can give more, I found peace with my submissive. I also learned I need to let the right man in my life, and not chase the unavailable so I don't have to comment byond sex, it becomes empty and quite meaningless.
I also realize I need to come to terms with the loss of my other half. I can't keep a hold of him, I can always love him but I need to move on, not just for me but for my wonderful loving daughters. They deserve to see mommy happy. It is no longer my cross to bear, I need to drop that cross and start the next book.
I am a work in progress, so much I need to work on, not change just to make me better. I know what I have to offer, I know the kind of woman I am.
My confidence has changed quite a bit over years, my negativity, my self worth of my teens and twentys has taken a turn. I realize now all the years I felt worthless, and ugly were an utter wast of time. I look back on pictures of me and wonder what i was thinking, I was not ugly, or worthless, I was stunning. It is a shame it took me 37 years to realize what I had but at least now I can acknowledge and move on.
I am by no means perfect, but like I said I am a work in progress. I have some body hang ups, but know I need to be forgiving for I have had 3 baby's, back to back, to back, unfortunately my tummy did not bounce back but now I have boobs, it is a trade off lol
It is time for me to organize and prioritize. I will not jump into dating for now, I need to rethink, rethink what I am willing to put forth, and I need to work on asking for what I want and need. I am sometimes to compliant, to eager to please. Now I know a man must earn what I can give, I am worth more then a fuck.
Knowing that I am deserving of more is freeing, but sometimes my sex drive gets in the way... work in progress, small steps, one at a time... I can do it, I can be more. I need to be selfish right now, take care of me before I step forward and give of myself.
Now I will to take a step back I need to rethink, I need to find clarity in my chaos. I shall set a plan in place, and follow through.
This is a year of positive change, of becoming who I truly am, inside and out.