January 4, 2013

Working on Me

With Sir I learned quite a bit about myself, I learned that I can feel byond sex, that I can give more, I found peace with my submissive. I also learned I need to let the right man in my life, and not chase the unavailable so I don't have to comment byond sex, it becomes empty and quite meaningless.

I also realize I need to come to terms with the loss of my other half. I can't keep a hold of him, I can always love him but I need to move on, not just for me but for my wonderful loving daughters. They deserve to see mommy happy. It is no longer my cross to bear, I need to drop that cross and start the next book.

I am a work in progress, so much I need to work on, not change just to make me better. I know what I have to offer, I know the kind of woman I am.

 My confidence has changed quite a bit over years, my negativity, my self worth  of my teens and twentys has taken a turn. I realize now all the years I felt worthless, and ugly were an utter wast of time. I look back on pictures of me and wonder what i was thinking, I was not ugly, or worthless, I was stunning. It is a shame it took me 37 years to realize what I had but at least  now I can  acknowledge and move on.

 I am by no means perfect, but like I said I am a work in progress. I have some body hang ups, but know I need to be forgiving for I have had 3 baby's, back to back, to back, unfortunately my tummy did not bounce back but now I have boobs, it is a trade off lol

It is time for me to organize and prioritize. I will not jump into dating for now, I need to rethink, rethink what I am willing to put forth, and I need to work on asking for what I want and need. I am sometimes to compliant, to eager to please. Now I know a man must earn what I can give, I am worth more then a fuck.

Knowing that I am deserving of more is freeing, but sometimes my sex drive gets in the way... work in progress, small steps, one at a time... I can do it, I can be more. I need to be selfish right now, take care of me before I step forward and give of myself.

Now I will to take a step back I need to rethink, I need to find clarity in my chaos. I shall set a plan in place, and follow through.

This is a year of positive change, of becoming who I truly am, inside and out.


  1. I"m glad to see your feeling better about things and are taking steps to take care of yourself.It's good that you realize that you deserve more and that a good man has to earn your trust and respect, not just expect it automatically.

    1. Yes Mrs. D it has been many years in the making but I am finely getting it. lol