January 15, 2013

Where I am at with Goals.

I had a wonderfully lazy weekend and I enjoy every second of it with out a bit of guilt. Now I have lots of chores to catch up on but I am OK with that, well worth a good lazy weekend.

 I feel I am getting closer to a good point, closer to an understanding of myself. I have made a few positive changes, I have been working hard on expressing my feelings, and thus far it has been a positive experience. I have been trying harder at easing my anxiety as well, I have been drawing, and  it has been a wonderful tool; it also gives me a sense of accomplishment. Also I have been working on the knowledge of knowing that it is a process not a race. One thing at a time, so not to pressure myself, fail, and than give up.

My goal this week is going to do with house chores, to find a way to split them up so I do not feel overwhelmed by all I have to do. I tend to get overwhelmed and give up, throw the towel in per say...but hopefully with finding a good balance I will be able to get more done, with less stress.

I am holding off on the simplest of all my goals and that is calling my Mama. How can something so simple make the hart race, anxiety go through the roof ...and the overwhelming feeling of dread? Something about my mother that makes me always feel like a child, she always knows how to make me feel small. I truly do not believe she does it on purpose. I am realizing as getting older that my mom lacks a brain to mouth filter but even with that knowledge her opinions of me still hit like a fist to the jaw. But I must add that sometimes talking to her can be very uplifting it is I just don't know what I will get with her...so I will tell myself " it is a process, one little step at a time". All better :)


  1. Perhaps you can apply the same logic that you're using with housework to phone calls with mom . Short manageable calls just to touch base, keep the tone light and make the call brief. maybe set a time limit ahead of time for yourself and give yourself reasons to end the call such as you have an appointment and it's time for you to leave. Maybe even start the call with Telling her you have something to do, but you were thinking of her and just wanted to touch base and prepare a few things ahead of time such as one of the kids did well on a test, one of them did something funny or whatever.It might help you stay in control of the conversation until you're ready to delve into deeper conversations. happy to hear you're feeling better about things. sorry if i got a little long winded, i have a tendency to do that sometimes.
    Mrs. D

    1. You are fine, and that is some very good advice. I will take that in to account when I finely get the nerve to call her.

      Thank you Mrs. D your advice is much appreciated.

  2. I so know what you mean! I get overwhelmed and end up just sitting on the couch not knowing what to do. Sir really helps with that, he always tells me "one thing at a time". Maybe try making a list of things to get done, and take it one by one? I often feel overwhelmed when looking too far ahead.

    1. Thank You Kitty for the advice.

      I am working on trying to do one thing at a time, and so far it has been working out well.

      As far as list go, I suck at making them, they are as scattered as my thoughts. And if I do manage to make one, I lose it... never fails. lol