December 7, 2012
I am unsure right now where I am going with this lifestyle, the things we do. I put down a post earlier to say goodbye but took it down (I don't feel i am done learning yet). As I am almost certain Sir and I are through, (why uncertainty is because he has not been clear) I don't know if it just me or if others have a problem with men being clear, I feel I am reading between the lines and it is frustrating. I know where he is coming from, I get it, I knew from the start and have been understanding and open but he seems to be stuck and I don't know what I am to do about that.
I can let it just go, but I want closure... I want to know it was not all for nothing. I am unsure if that is unfair of me.. to want, to have the need to be talk to... to understand better. I often find myself in this situation with men. I try not to complicate, I try to let things just be, but I leave myself empty...I forget about me, and I am not sure if that is fair. I am a strong woman...but strength can only carry you so far before you fall.
He could say, anyone could say i suppose, I knew what I was getting myself into, and I did... he did not lie to me...but in my defense I deserve more then an empty e-mail. I deserve to be treated better then that, and me being me, I am defending him. Good God....I make it way to easy to be played with. A true masochistic in every way.
Well in short, I am here to learn... to accept my nature, weather there is or not a Dominant in my life. I will see where it goes, will hopefully get a better grip on the working and how to keep my eyes better opened. For what is, is and I can not change that, I can only learn.