December 21, 2012

A Tongue in Cheek Rant... The Bitch...

I battle with the inner bitch, I am uncomfortable being that, I don't like being hard, I don't like being mean. I like being soft, I like being kind... I like giving but I don't like being taken advantage of, I don't like being played with, I don't like my emotions to be toyed with.

So I feel I am forced to be the bitch, gotta be tough, gotta be hard as nails, can't let anyone see you soft, see you kind... though that is all I want to be, I want to be me, I feel most free in that state.

But, (there are always buts)... I can't, I can't be me, and the lessons keep on coming back to that... I open, I learn quickly I should have stayed closed, should have stayed hard, keep the facade up a bit longer, pretend, I have become good at that. I have excelled at pretending to be someone I am not, to the point that I might be, becoming just that.

 People seem to respect the bitch, bow to the bitch... hell, fall head over heels for the bitch. Bitch got it going on. But, (again another but)... I don't like being that, I want to be me, I want to be free of the bitch, I don't want to need her. I want to only be me, my true self... the little sweet girl, the kind loving women I was always meant to be.

 But, (once again another but) I battle with the inner bitch and she seems to always win... dang that bitch is always right.


  1. I think we all struggle with our inner bitch, but standing up for yourself and being strong shouldn't be confused for being tough as nails or hard.Don't be afraid to show kindness. Kindness should be seen as a strength not a weakness.

    1. I agree, true strength is seen in the kind and giving.

      Yes, standing up for yourself should never be confused with being hard, being a bitch should never be confused with being strong. All words I understand and try to teach my girls yet at times I struggle with those lines.

      Thank you

  2. oh sweetie, my inner bitch was out SO often that for a while that was all I was.

    ask any of my high school friends to describe me in a word and that's the word they'd choose.

    when i show SOME softness they turn and look at me quizzically and wonder out loud where the bitch has gone!

    after a while it gets easier tho. especially when there's someone around to protect you and stand up for you, so that you don't have to be so hard all the time. i'm finding my softness again now.

    and loving it.

    i wish you all the kindness and softness you can be!

    1. Thank you, and yes I have many friends who would describe me the same way. If only they knew how much I hated the role I played.

      I am glad you are finding your softness, it is a lovely place to be indeed.

      One day I will be there, just gotta get this bitch off my back lol