I battle with the inner bitch, I am uncomfortable being that, I don't like being hard, I don't like being mean. I like being soft, I like being kind... I like giving but I don't like being taken advantage of, I don't like being played with, I don't like my emotions to be toyed with.
So I feel I am forced to be the bitch, gotta be tough, gotta be hard as nails, can't let anyone see you soft, see you kind... though that is all I want to be, I want to be me, I feel most free in that state.
But, (there are always buts)... I can't, I can't be me, and the lessons keep on coming back to that... I open, I learn quickly I should have stayed closed, should have stayed hard, keep the facade up a bit longer, pretend, I have become good at that. I have excelled at pretending to be someone I am not, to the point that I might be, becoming just that.
People seem to respect the bitch, bow to the bitch... hell, fall head over heels for the bitch. Bitch got it going on. But, (again another but)... I don't like being that, I want to be me, I want to be free of the bitch, I don't want to need her. I want to only be me, my true self... the little sweet girl, the kind loving women I was always meant to be.
But, (once again another but) I battle with the inner bitch and she seems to always win... dang that bitch is always right.