So tired, tired of snow days, tired of sick kids, tired of
being a taxi driver, tired of being a referee, tired of being a maid, tired of
complaining....just tired, tired of being tired.
I love my children more than life itself, I would die for
them, I would kill for them...I would walk to the ends of the earth for them
but....... I need me time, time to have fun, time to be around other adults,
time to let go of the momma persona just for a minute....Yet I know I would
feel guilty. Will the mama guilt ever stop? Will I ever be able to be my own
person again without feeling guilty?
Will I ever feel that I do enough, will enough ever be enough?
Don't get me wrong I LOVE being a mom; I would not change
that for all the money, power, and fame in the world. I feel lucky to have my
girls, and the thought of not having them, well that thought is too dreadful to
allow crossing my mind. Yet still I want to feel somewhat human and less like a.....I
don't know a good word for what I feel, maybe kind of like an extension of my
children with no identity of my own, Yes! That is how I feel.
It has been quite a while since I have had a kid free day;
other than when they are at school but that time is spent cleaning, laundry,
dishes, and it seems no matter how much I do that I will never catch up, no
matter how much I do it will never be enough.... so I give up and do some
things I enjoy like writing post for this blog, art, and the worse guilty
pleasure is wasting time on Facebook playing stupid games just for an escape
from the mundane chores of everyday life, and the chaos of three girls
constantly fighting...fight about this, fight about that, fight! fight! fight! Ughh....
Did I mention the guilt for doing anything other than my
motherly duties...so sick of the guilt, so tired of being tired?
Cabin fever: Yes. I'm with you. I've run out of words to explain how tired I am of this snow/winter thing.
ReplyDeleteHope you get some kind of mum break! You have to take care of you!
Our winter here has been crazy, to many snow days, to many cold days....to many days with kids home. Spring can not come soon enough for me. And I know soon I will be complaining about the heat, poor weather can never win lol
DeleteOH DO I FEEL YOU!!
ReplyDeleteand no it does not end...specially when you have girls.
My girls are 23 and 22 and my oldest now is a mom, they still live with me, i still have to drive them around, lend them my car, clean the house "we" all live in...so I am moving away, I left them the apartment and found myself one, far enough that they will think twice before they visit me (20 minutes up the road but this generation is lazy, they wont take the drive). My boy is 16 and when he graduates high school and start college I am going to go away and hide for a year...I got a great plan *grins*
tell the dad to watch them every other week for an afternoon, or the grandmother so you can at least have a day or an afternoon for yourself...it is needed!!
Well shit!!!! So there is no hope, I am doomed... lol. Two of my girls as of now want to stay home forever!!!! And I told them "fine, the house is yours, but I will not be in it" they said "oh...where are you going and can we come with you?" me "no!" I fear my no was not loud enough...and I will never escape...they will find me!!! lol
DeleteTheir dad has passed, and grandma is not so good with kids. My dad and sister will take them sometimes but usually just one at a time. It does get better in the summer, my dads subdivision has a pool, he has a trampoline and they have friends over there...so I do have that to look forward to.