December 29, 2013

Trying to Learn to Be Vulnerable.

I was thinking.....and my thought led to writing to all the people I care about, my true feelings. Not feelings of anger or regret, not feelings of what one could of done but didn't, or of what I could of done but didn't. I want to tell each and every person how much they mean to me, how they have positively affected my life. I want to thank them for all they have done, all they have given, and what truly wonderful people they are.

And as I sit to deliberate such thoughts, my mind draws a blank. I am fearful of sharing such strong feelings with the ones I love and care for and I don't know why, it is silly. I should be joyous in my writings; I should feel good about expressing my feeling in such a positive light. But no, I just feel anxious, I feel naked, I feel exposed....vulnerable. such a word to speak, how scary it is to be, but how enlighten one will be when one can finely become vulnerable.   

When I decided to go on this journey of sexual self-expression, I did not think that it would lead me on an emotional/spiritual journey as well. I did not start off with the idea of sex leading to the deeper emotional being that I am. But it has, which is good, but exhausting at the same time.

For me to grow I need to be vulnerable, and if I need to share with the ones I care about my true feeling to become vulnerable then I shall do it. Though it will not be easy, but what in life is easy that is worthwhile? 

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