Men!

I went on a kinda date last week, we went out as friends. Well at least that is what I told him.

So the story goes.

A guy I met before J has been trying to get me to date him. He knows about J, he knows about TTWD though he is vanilla. Now J and I are at an odd place, a cross roads per say. Neither of us knows where it will go, and how much longer it will last. Uncertainty is not a friend of mine, but I have to take it as it goes.

I had discussed my going out with him with J; I had made him aware that we did have sex. I assured him that sex or anything else for that matter would NOT go on. I also made it clear to other guy (we will call him V) that I was not looking to sleep with him, or anything more than just a hug and good conversation.

I was excited to be going out with him, I enjoy talking with him and yes there was flirting, but it was made clear that nothing was going to come of it. We had a good time, we talked, flirted  in a fun way and any time the flirting lead into doing more than that, I quickly reminded him that NOTHING more was going to happen. I reminded him that I am with J, for now. He accepted that.

Now here comes the But!

He walked me to my car, and we hugged...but Nooo!!! A hug was not good enough; he had to try for more. He proceeded to gently pull my hair, in hopes I would give in, I pulled away, he pulled me back to him and as doing so he grabbed my ass. I pulled away again and proceeded to walk to my car. He came behind me wanting one more hug, buttt. Noooo!!! He put his hand in my most privet place. I corrected him and once again said "NOTHING more is going to happen". He quickly apologized, and then we said goodbyes.

I was truly hoping he would be a gentleman and respect my wishes. I did not lead him on; I was very clear in what my intentions were.

I cried on the way home, wondering why. Did I do this to myself?  I did sleep with him in the past, and I am very sexual. I am very open about who I am (maybe to open). But with that said, does that mean I am free territory. Though I ask for him to respect me and NOT try anything.

I emailed him when I got home to say that I was safe, and thanked him for dinner and drinks. He emailed me the next day, and I ignored it.

I did talk to J about it; he gave me a bit of man perspective, not justifying how he acted but to enlighten me on the why. He told me that if he was a true man, he would have not tried anything. I asked if "true men" even existed. Of course he put himself as an example.   

I did email V a couple days later, after I ignored a few of his. I told him how he made me feel, that I felt I did not ask for it. He apologized, agreeing that he got out of hand, he asked me for a second chance. I agreed, and I don't know why.

I just want to have faith that there are gentlemen still out there. I still want to hold on to hope. I want think that when one says they care, that they will give the other the respect they deserve.

I want to believe! Kinda of like Santa Clause, if you truly believe, then he does exist. Ha ha!! We all know how that story goes.