December 4, 2013


I went on a kinda date last week, we went out as friends. Well at least that is what I told him.

So the story goes.

A guy I met before J has been trying to get me to date him. He knows about J, he knows about TTWD though he is vanilla. Now J and I are at an odd place, a cross roads per say. Neither of us knows where it will go, and how much longer it will last. Uncertainty is not a friend of mine, but I have to take it as it goes.

I had discussed my going out with him with J; I had made him aware that we did have sex. I assured him that sex or anything else for that matter would NOT go on. I also made it clear to other guy (we will call him V) that I was not looking to sleep with him, or anything more than just a hug and good conversation.

I was excited to be going out with him, I enjoy talking with him and yes there was flirting, but it was made clear that nothing was going to come of it. We had a good time, we talked, flirted  in a fun way and any time the flirting lead into doing more than that, I quickly reminded him that NOTHING more was going to happen. I reminded him that I am with J, for now. He accepted that.

Now here comes the But!

He walked me to my car, and we hugged...but Nooo!!! A hug was not good enough; he had to try for more. He proceeded to gently pull my hair, in hopes I would give in, I pulled away, he pulled me back to him and as doing so he grabbed my ass. I pulled away again and proceeded to walk to my car. He came behind me wanting one more hug, buttt. Noooo!!! He put his hand in my most privet place. I corrected him and once again said "NOTHING more is going to happen". He quickly apologized, and then we said goodbyes.

I was truly hoping he would be a gentleman and respect my wishes. I did not lead him on; I was very clear in what my intentions were.

I cried on the way home, wondering why. Did I do this to myself?  I did sleep with him in the past, and I am very sexual. I am very open about who I am (maybe to open). But with that said, does that mean I am free territory. Though I ask for him to respect me and NOT try anything.

I emailed him when I got home to say that I was safe, and thanked him for dinner and drinks. He emailed me the next day, and I ignored it.

I did talk to J about it; he gave me a bit of man perspective, not justifying how he acted but to enlighten me on the why. He told me that if he was a true man, he would have not tried anything. I asked if "true men" even existed. Of course he put himself as an example.   

I did email V a couple days later, after I ignored a few of his. I told him how he made me feel, that I felt I did not ask for it. He apologized, agreeing that he got out of hand, he asked me for a second chance. I agreed, and I don't know why.

I just want to have faith that there are gentlemen still out there. I still want to hold on to hope. I want think that when one says they care, that they will give the other the respect they deserve.

I want to believe! Kinda of like Santa Clause, if you truly believe, then he does exist. Ha ha!! We all know how that story goes. 


  1. oh i can so understand you. sometime before BIKSS and i got involved i dated this guy. on the first date he seemed to be interested in something a little more but i told him no, and then he said he respected that, sorry and all that yada yada, he asked for a second date. said he would bring me dinner after work. like you, i wanted to believe. maybe he would be more respectful this time since he had something to prove - you know, that he'd be a gentleman. but no pistachios. he showed up at my place as a surprise with dinner, we ate and after that he forced himself on me. why didn't i stop him? i tried. i learned long ago that men have more muscle mass and no matter what i was no match. plus the dude was a martial arts practitioner. and i didn't want to struggle and end up hurting myself. so i said well if you wanna fuck then let's fuck. and after that i said to him get out of my house and never spoke to him again.

    you know, i'm sorry for the novel. i'll go write this on my blog and link back to your post, if you don't mind.

    1. I don't mind at all.

      And no need to apologize for writing a novel on my post. I love hearing others experience, thoughts and opinions. I learn so much, and I do love to learn.

  2. I'm so sorry your date turned out to be such a douchebag. I'd be worried about going out with him again, he clearly doesn't know how to respect boundaries. There are good men out there, but like the saying goes- you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince.

    1. I have kissed so many frogs that I am thinking my price got lost...or eaten by all the frogs. lol