I think I stopped growing, emotionally that is.
Since I started this submissive journey, I have had a lot of
emotional growth. It has been hard at times. I had to admit to myself some of
weakness, I had to look deeper into my ugly, I had to accept me in all my
glory, good and bad.
Maybe it is time for reflection, maybe I need to stop
growing. Emotionally that is.
I have said in past post that I do not want to do this
anymore, I don't want the kinky sex, I don't want to be submissive. I want my
control, I want all of it, I want to rule my own little world. I want to tell
men in my life what to do, and how to do it. I want to be worshiped. Bowed down
to, and I want a big giant pedestal to sit upon, as I give orders.
That sounds good right about now.
But in all honesty it seems like a lot of work. Do that, do
this, NO!!! NO!!! You’re not doing it wrong and I would take over and just do
it myself. Because this is my world and I am always right!
It can be kind of exhausting, being always right. I should know,
because I am always right in a wrong sort of way.
It is now sounding like to much work for me.
I do respect a true Dom/ Domme, it has to be a lot of work
to keep a sub on one's toes. Keep one in one's place, keep one motivated, keep
one growing, and constantly thinking of new ways to do so. Taking care of one’s
neediness (I am not saying that in a negative way). And making sure one's
emotional needs are being met, being taken care of, and most of all challenging
the submissive so she can grow.
Waaay…. too much work!
Maybe I will just take a respite, come back to it a little
later when I am more aware, and ready to grow a little more, emotionally that
is.
About what you said here:
ReplyDelete"I do respect a true Dom/ Domme, it has to be a lot of work to keep a sub on one's toes. Keep one in one's place, keep one motivated, keep one growing, and constantly thinking of new ways to do so. Taking care of one’s neediness (I am not saying that in a negative way). And making sure one's emotional needs are being met, being taken care of, and most of all challenging the submissive so she can grow."
Master doesn't do a lot of that. If he does, some of it is by accident, not because he's trying to do it. My purpose in his life is to serve him, not for him to take care of me and help me grow. He does some nice things, like bring food when he visits, but generally, it's suck this, rub that. The one thing I really need that he won't give me is a shoulder rub. I guess because that would make him feel like he's subservient, which I understand, but I really need a shoulder rub. They're getting worse and worse, and I know it's just a few years of tension that need to be rubbed out of them.
Well hell, I am going to become a Domme!!! LOL Just hope men subs are as obedient as women subs.
DeleteI think what I was trying to point out is more in the beginning of a relationship. A Dom needs to know his sub. He needs to take the time to know her likes and dislikes. He needs to apply correction for the sub when she gets out of line. Once that is established then he has it easy, most of the time that is. lol
A girl needs a bone thrown at her every now and then. LOL