I think I stopped growing, emotionally that is.
Since I started this submissive journey, I have had a lot of emotional growth. It has been hard at times. I had to admit to myself some of weakness, I had to look deeper into my ugly, I had to accept me in all my glory, good and bad.
Maybe it is time for reflection, maybe I need to stop growing. Emotionally that is.
I have said in past post that I do not want to do this anymore, I don't want the kinky sex, I don't want to be submissive. I want my control, I want all of it, I want to rule my own little world. I want to tell men in my life what to do, and how to do it. I want to be worshiped. Bowed down to, and I want a big giant pedestal to sit upon, as I give orders.
That sounds good right about now.
But in all honesty it seems like a lot of work. Do that, do this, NO!!! NO!!! You’re not doing it wrong and I would take over and just do it myself. Because this is my world and I am always right!
It can be kind of exhausting, being always right. I should know, because I am always right in a wrong sort of way.
It is now sounding like to much work for me.
I do respect a true Dom/ Domme, it has to be a lot of work to keep a sub on one's toes. Keep one in one's place, keep one motivated, keep one growing, and constantly thinking of new ways to do so. Taking care of one’s neediness (I am not saying that in a negative way). And making sure one's emotional needs are being met, being taken care of, and most of all challenging the submissive so she can grow.
Waaay…. too much work!
Maybe I will just take a respite, come back to it a little later when I am more aware, and ready to grow a little more, emotionally that is.