October 22, 2013

Kind of Lost

I don't seem to know what to write here anymore.

I think I have said all I could say.

It seems late at night, I awake and I think of all the stuff I do have to say, but when dawn breaks I know longer remember the struggles of  the night.

All I have in me is a ramble, a jumbled thoughts

There is still so much to learn, but today I feel I know it all. Yet night will come and remind me that I know nothing at all.

D/s, s/m...I am caught between wanting, and not wanting. I do not know who I am anymore. I thought I did, but lately I have been feeling unsure.

I may need time for reflection. Better yet, I need time for reflection. No need for "may".

 I have been going back and forth with how much control I want to give to another, I do think I know what I want but it is something that is not being offered to me at this time. Then I think maybe I don't want that, maybe I just want to be left to just me...as always it seems to be.

Maybe when tomorrow comes I will know better of what I want, but that is highly unlikely. Knowing me, I will just complicate all that is in my mind even more.


  1. This is actually pretty common. Submissives are generally very indecisive and long for someone strong to come into their lives to make the decisions. Something to think about.

    1. That is something I do not want to think about, it is hard for me to admit that I need anyone for anything, and even harder to admit I need someone to help guide me. But to grow, I will have to face some of the truths that lay deep inside of me.

      Thank you Cue Ball for the feed back, it is greatly appreciated