This is a story of Consent/Non Consent, it may be disturbing to some.
Kids are on vacation, I get to write on my blog, catch up
with friends, and have some peace and quiet...not so sure how I am liking the
peace and quiet right now, just a tad too quiet.
Everything is going phenomenal with J, I could not ask for a
better Dom at this point in my life. We are building things up slowly. We had a
first real intense scene a couple of weeks back, that was the most intense I
have had as far as being pushed to the edge. He took me to a place in my head
that I did not think could be dragged out of me, even wondered if I had it in
me. I did.
We decided to do a consent/ non consent scene. I was not
sure how that would work with me being so submissive... to my amazement it
worked. He brought the feisty Irish out
of me, and the bull headed Pollock I try to deny...not necessarily convince
others.
The scene started off with me entering the hotel room with
notes telling me what to do, he not being there at all. I did what the notes
told me to do and waited for him, wondering what he had planned, but trying not
to think too much.
He entered the room, no hello, no hug, no kiss...just
business, one of his notes was not clear so I did not do it and he was a bit
frustrated with that, though he realized how I could get confused. So together
we but on restraints and as soon as that was done he took over. It was somewhat
shocking to me to see him so aggressive right away, I was slightly taken aback.
He had only showed me that side once because I called him out on it, and he
showed me, I knew he had it in him but not to that intensity.
He pulled my by the hair, put me where he wanted me...called
me a few not so nice names. Slapped me in the face a few times slowing getting
me into that head space, I so desired to be. He forced me to go down on him, to
take his cock in my mouth to suck, swallow and gag. Got me close to one of my
biggest fears with TTWD and that is throwing up. Me no like that, not one
little bit. I was able to hold back.
He then had me go lay on the bed, tummy down, and began to
slap my ass, then bringing out his belt, a nice thick leather one and swung it
a few times before it would land on my ass with a loud thump, me yelping out ouch
and fuck, which only made him do it longer, sticking to one spot the spot which
he bruised pretty bad the previous week.
After that he begin to use my body, to fuck me, and fuck me
hard, while slapping me and spitting on me getting me deeper and deeper into
that head space. I cried out my ass got wiped, I tried be quiet and my ass got
wiped till I cried out...no cunning my way out of it, though I tried and the
more I tried the more aggressive he got. The power feed was very intense, and
pushing me even deeper into that head space.
He order me to fuck him on top, that gives one little girl
too much control, especially when she was at the point of fighting for the
control...yes he brought me to the point of breaking my submissive, he got me
pissed and loathing him, he got me fighting, and doing all I could do to regain
any kind of control. Then put me on top, what is more controlling than making a
man cum when he is not ready. But that was not good enough I decided to
continue after he came and it made him a bit uncomfortable, which gave me even
more control with being on top, so I continued with a cold smirk on my face,
and well that pissed him off even more. I did truly did not know I had that
much fight in me, I knew I had some, but not to that extent. I kept on pushing
him as I was going deeper and deeper into that head space.
He took me and threw me on my back and straddling me,
slapping and spitting on me...I at one point looked at him and said "don't
you fucking dear bruise my face" (by the way he wouldn't) he looked at me
sternly and said "you can call out yellow" but I choose to stay
definite as I was deep, deep in my head. And I was going to push and I was
going to not give in....what a rush of adrenaline. Mind you he is 6'2 and about
250 a pretty big guy...but I still wanted to piss him off, to see how far he
would go. He began to whip my ass with his belt; I still chose to be definite.
Then a moment of "oh shit, maybe it is time to give in" one last hard
whip to my feet and then my lower back, upper behind (that place fucking hurts
like a bitch) and I gave in...and I was crying, and laughing, and thinking
maybe laughing is not a good thing at this time; so I hid my head and shut down
to that comfy place in my head.
He lay back up by the pillows of the bed, asked me nicely to
come up with him. I did not want to, I was too much in my head space and
loathing him. But I did anyway. He talked me down, respecting my
boundaries...letting me be, making sure I was alright. Getting me to hate him
less, getting me to soften up. I was struggling with crying and laughing all at
the same time. I started to get out of my head space, warming up to him, and
was lovey, dovey with in a split second.
After all was said and done, I loved it. I trusted that he
would not take me any further then I could handle and he did that. I did want
to go deeper, but realized that the scene ended when it needed to end. It built
a higher level of trust with him, and showed me he is as dark as me but capable
of assessing the scene, and knowing when to end it.
We did try again to do a dark scene Wednesday but it did not work out so well, we started
out lovey, dovey and ended up joking around way too much with me doing most of
the joking around...which did end up leaving me with a very black and blue
behind.
It is safe to say, I am up to doing that again...and upon re
reading that I am questioning my sanity. lol
