I have wrote about rape before, going on a tangent, a nonsense words...but I feel super passionate about this topic, not only as a woman, but as one that unadmitted has had it done to her and as one who has someone near and dear to her raped. Both cases alcohol was involved; in my case drugs were involved as well. I blame myself, I put myself in the predicament, I suffered the consequences of feeling used, of feeling like a slut, feeling of self loathing. The same for my sister, who after was unable to enjoy sex for four years. I dealt with it by being promiscuous, taking back my power by sleeping with men, and not giving a damn about them as the men that used me, did to me. Did any of the men suffer any consequences for their action NO! They all justified it by believing because we were drunk we were asking for it. We felt guilty because we were drunk, and were deserving of it. Why? because society says so.
When will the blame of the victim stop? When will society stop this assault on women?
Some say because we're women we have to be held at higher standard than men. We must not tempt, tease, we must dress appropriately (though I was, though my sister was). We must not get drunk, we must walk down the street always checking our backs. We must never, ever lead a man on...What is leading a man on? We must not be sexually open. We must be saints, but even saints get raped.
When will the blame of the victim stop? When will society stop this assault on mothers, on sisters, daughters, aunts, grandmas. When?
Now don't get me wrong, there is a responsibility to oneself, but to say I asked for it, to say my sister asked for it, that any women who has suffered rape, or sexually assaulted asked for it, well that is just plain Wrong. The perpetrators are to blame, and the perpetrators need to take responsibility for their action as well. I am tired of taking the responsibility for something I did not ask for, I payed my dues, I suffered the consequences of trusting two men I knew, I did not think they would put me on display, and use me. I blamed myself for too long, and am tired of feeling unworthy because of one night long ago. I did not agree to it. I was incapable of agreeing to anything and they knew that.
When will the blame of the victim stop? When will society stop this assault on women?
Come one, come all and tell me I got what I deserved.
Call me stupid
Call me slut
Call me loose
A whore
I have because that is what society has taught me to believe.
But I will be Damned!! If that is what my daughter ever, ever believe about themselves.
I think we women need to stand tall, and stand up for each other. I think we women need to stop degrading each other. I think we women need to assure each other of our place, of being human. We women are the epitome of strength and we need to remind each other of just that.
We can change society's views, but we need to unite as one, and stop blaming the victims of rape, and sexual assault.
I love this, it is time for change and Scotland gets it. http://www.upworthy.com/oh-so-in-scotland-they-actually-dont-promote-rape-culture?c=ufb1
Very well said, proud of you for speaking out here.
ReplyDeleteThank you dancingbarez, it needs to be done, the more voices that speak up the better we are to be heard.
DeleteI'm sorry you went through something so horrible. I was threatened once with rape. Luckily I wasn't drunk and had quick access to a gun. He rethought his actions pretty quick.
ReplyDeleteGreat post. Good for you for using your voice. :)
I bet he did, nothing like a gun to put things in perspective for him. Hopefully he carried that with him and never attempted to do it again to another....gotta have hope.
DeleteWell said, couldnt agree more.
ReplyDeleteIts a subject that not many people want to address because it makes some uncomfortable....but womens voices need to be heard..we need to move on from rape being seen as in any way the womens fault.
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Thank you Tori
DeleteThere is so much shame carried with rape. I don't think there are many men that realize what they have done and the consequences that the women has to carry with them for the rest of their lives. I think with speaking out, putting out our voices there will be men out there that will get it...teach their sons what it means to respect women, and what it means to be a man.
We need to speak even if it is uncomfortable, even if it hurts, we need to challenge conventional thought, and the only way to do that is to let it be known what rape looks like. unfortunately too many do not.
I agree. As long as we don't move away from encouraging women to take basic responsibility for their wellbeing. Saying someone made bad decisions which left them vulnerable to a range of crimes, rape being one of them, doesn't automatically remove some blame from the rapist and that's what myth I think is perpetuated a lot in this end rape culture campaign. That just doesn't make sense to logical people and the way they go about it seems to suggest they want women to stop taking basic responsibility for their welfare, because they shouldn't have to. People just shouldn't rape. It doesn't make any sense to me.
ReplyDeleteAnnelle I do get where you and many are coming from with that argument, I think with both sides we are missing a very important point; the point being that with blaming the victim less rapes go without being reported, more men think then it is ok because the women are too ashamed to hold the man/men responsible. With that said they go and do it again, and again knowing there are no consequences, believing it is perfectly acceptable; for she put herself in that position. The saddest part of rape is that it is usually done by a person the victim knows or is familiar with, which gives the victim a false sense of security. Many women are raped by their girlfriends boyfriend (as in my sister case) many by their own boyfriend. Many by men that they are friends with (as in my case) some even by their own husbands (which at one point was completely legal)which leaves a woman with a false sense of security...she feels as if one would never do that, one would protect her, not use her. This is where lines blur; this is where the "rape culture" beliefs are at…and why we need to educate and speak out.
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