I am torn! I am torn I don't know where to go. I want two things but getting both seems to be an impossible task. I want to be the submissive I am, and have it embraced for what it is. I want a caring but evil sadistic Dominant man to dish out the pain, and control I so desire. But I also want to be loved and cared for like the sweet, kind and giving woman I am.
It is not easy getting all of my wants fulfilled, unless I have multiple partners, but I tend to be very faithful when I find the right one. And truly I am getting tired of being such a slut, my sex drive gets me into more trouble than not. I need to get that under control but it is easier said than done...I always want!
And I am misunderstood more than not, I have no shame in saying what I like (for the most part) and that leads one to see me for just my sexuality. I know the easy fix is not to be so upfront, but then you put time and effort into something, and find out that it won't work due to the fact that I need a lot to be satisfied sexually. There is also the man that thinks he can handle me, and then finds out that I am a bit too much (this is with in my vanilla dating). Then the question arises can I live without being submissive? Without my masochism fulfilled? And I don't think I can... I would always be searching, or pushing one to give me what I need, want and desire...and off a running one will go.