I don't know what I am doing here, I am drifting more and more away from this TTWD. Finding a Dom is not easy, nor practical. I am finding going that route, that there are more jerks just wanting one thing, and it is killing me inside; I have been there more than not and I am tired of it.
Being me gets me in to trouble, (especially my sexuality) as I have said a million time before... men like bitches, and I don't want to be that...and, I am tired of giving more of me than anyone truly deserves, my goodness has been nothing but a curse. Maybe though, just maybe I can find someone that is able to appreciate that about me.... and all my other silliness...and not take advantage of my sexuality or not run, as far as they can, as fast as they can...because I am something else (so I have been told more than once).
This leads to the dating game of course, I have been talking to a few seemingly nice men... I consider nice to be someone who does not bring up sex with in the first few e-mails, Good god what am I coming into. And *claps hands* they are interested in me, getting to know me...getting to know me??? Wow! I know sex will come up...but at least when it does they already know more of me... I then do not become an object that is disposable. Also I am talking to older men (not super old, 8-12 year difference) I tend to have better luck that way, I have always dated older men for the fact that they appreciate women more. They are more secure, more accepting of who they are... no pretenses. Any time I have dated men close to my age (I have never dated younger) it has never been good, in any way.
So Friday I am meeting up with a substitute school teacher in the AM, we talked on the phone (no texting or endless e-mails, actual old school talking on the phone) for over an hour, just getting to know the little things about each other. It was nice, very nice. And in the evening I will be meeting an other gentlemen, he drives for a medical equipment company (I don't know why I am putting that out there lol). Both men live super close by which is very nice.
I am talking to an artist, and musician who also writes, both of course having day jobs. One is close to my age and no kids, which tends to be difficult... though I so do love the arts. The other has kids but also close to my age.
Poly guy, we are still talking but he and his wife are taking a step back from the scene. Which is a good thing, it gives him and I a chance to build a solid friendship; both he and I agree that is the best angle if anything was to ever become of us. And it is nice to have a friend who understands me, even the deep dark scary parts and does not runaway.
My subie and I had a date last week, and I have not heard from him since that day... though that is typical of him and through are conversation he warned me of that, so I is not worried. He is a very sweet man that does not look subbie at all... big Italian man, deep voice... assertive in his mannerisms.... this is way one should not judge a book by its cover. I was shocked but in a pleasant way... I have a thing for bigger men, not fat...just bigger, they are more lovable (kids father was, and my teddy bear as well) also I love hugs that I can feel.