February 19, 2014

Just Popping In.

 Winter here has been so long, so cold and grey; finely the sun is shining, and we are above freezing. I feel like putting on a sundress and dancing in the still snowy ground before it all melts away.

But as anyone knows who lives up north, the weather can change with the drop of a hat. One day can be warm and sunny then next grey and snowing. Still I won't complain for the summer heat is much worse to me.

All is good with me and Jay, the last time I saw him was the most vanilla we have ever been which for me was a nice change of pace. It felt good just to be close to him, feeling him next to me, and chatting, which is something I need to be able to be more open and able to communicate my feelings to him.

I am trying to accept things for what they are with Jay, I am trying to be more understanding and trusting of him. I am trying to stay out of my head. I am trying not to project what he is feeling, so far I have been able to though the voices in my head can make it difficult at times.

I have not been feeling very submissive as of late, and I am questioning if it is truly what I am. I don't know if I am fighting it with in my subconscious, or fear giving so much of myself to one person and suffering the consequences when it all falls to crap.

I guess what will be, will be, and it will be in its own time....just need to ride the wave till it crashes and burns then catch the new wave to ride to a new place once again.

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