Taking Me To Another Place

This is a story of Consent/Non Consent, it may be disturbing to some.

 

  Kids are on vacation, I get to write on my blog, catch up with friends, and have some peace and quiet...not so sure how I am liking the peace and quiet right now, just a tad too quiet.

Everything is going phenomenal with J, I could not ask for a better Dom at this point in my life. We are building things up slowly. We had a first real intense scene a couple of weeks back, that was the most intense I have had as far as being pushed to the edge. He took me to a place in my head that I did not think could be dragged out of me, even wondered if I had it in me. I did.

We decided to do a consent/ non consent scene. I was not sure how that would work with me being so submissive... to my amazement it worked.  He brought the feisty Irish out of me, and the bull headed Pollock I try to deny...not necessarily convince others.  

The scene started off with me entering the hotel room with notes telling me what to do, he not being there at all. I did what the notes told me to do and waited for him, wondering what he had planned, but trying not to think too much.

He entered the room, no hello, no hug, no kiss...just business, one of his notes was not clear so I did not do it and he was a bit frustrated with that, though he realized how I could get confused. So together we but on restraints and as soon as that was done he took over. It was somewhat shocking to me to see him so aggressive right away, I was slightly taken aback. He had only showed me that side once because I called him out on it, and he showed me, I knew he had it in him but not to that intensity.

He pulled my by the hair, put me where he wanted me...called me a few not so nice names. Slapped me in the face a few times slowing getting me into that head space, I so desired to be. He forced me to go down on him, to take his cock in my mouth to suck, swallow and gag. Got me close to one of my biggest fears with TTWD and that is throwing up. Me no like that, not one little bit. I was able to hold back.

He then had me go lay on the bed, tummy down, and began to slap my ass, then bringing out his belt, a nice thick leather one and swung it a few times before it would land on my ass with a loud thump, me yelping out ouch and fuck, which only made him do it longer, sticking to one spot the spot which he bruised pretty bad the previous week.

After that he begin to use my body, to fuck me, and fuck me hard, while slapping me and spitting on me getting me deeper and deeper into that head space. I cried out my ass got wiped, I tried be quiet and my ass got wiped till I cried out...no cunning my way out of it, though I tried and the more I tried the more aggressive he got. The power feed was very intense, and pushing me even deeper into that head space.

He order me to fuck him on top, that gives one little girl too much control, especially when she was at the point of fighting for the control...yes he brought me to the point of breaking my submissive, he got me pissed and loathing him, he got me fighting, and doing all I could do to regain any kind of control. Then put me on top, what is more controlling than making a man cum when he is not ready. But that was not good enough I decided to continue after he came and it made him a bit uncomfortable, which gave me even more control with being on top, so I continued with a cold smirk on my face, and well that pissed him off even more. I did truly did not know I had that much fight in me, I knew I had some, but not to that extent. I kept on pushing him as I was going deeper and deeper into that head space.

He took me and threw me on my back and straddling me, slapping and spitting on me...I at one point looked at him and said "don't you fucking dear bruise my face" (by the way he wouldn't) he looked at me sternly and said "you can call out yellow" but I choose to stay definite as I was deep, deep in my head. And I was going to push and I was going to not give in....what a rush of adrenaline. Mind you he is 6'2 and about 250 a pretty big guy...but I still wanted to piss him off, to see how far he would go. He began to whip my ass with his belt; I still chose to be definite. Then a moment of "oh shit, maybe it is time to give in" one last hard whip to my feet and then my lower back, upper behind (that place fucking hurts like a bitch) and I gave in...and I was crying, and laughing, and thinking maybe laughing is not a good thing at this time; so I hid my head and shut down to that comfy place in my head.

He lay back up by the pillows of the bed, asked me nicely to come up with him. I did not want to, I was too much in my head space and loathing him. But I did anyway. He talked me down, respecting my boundaries...letting me be, making sure I was alright. Getting me to hate him less, getting me to soften up. I was struggling with crying and laughing all at the same time. I started to get out of my head space, warming up to him, and was lovey, dovey with in a split second.

After all was said and done, I loved it. I trusted that he would not take me any further then I could handle and he did that. I did want to go deeper, but realized that the scene ended when it needed to end. It built a higher level of trust with him, and showed me he is as dark as me but capable of assessing the scene, and knowing when to end it.

We did try again to do a dark scene Wednesday  but it did not work out so well, we started out lovey, dovey and ended up joking around way too much with me doing most of the joking around...which did end up leaving me with a very black and blue behind.

It is safe to say, I am up to doing that again...and upon re reading that I am questioning my sanity. lol 

I Got to Top, Little Ole' Me Topping.

Sleeping in is sleeping in and I so do love to sleep.

I hate when I do not want to write, I don't want to write because things are going well, and if I write things are going well then somehow, I don't know how...things will somehow fall down all around. But I hate that I only write when things are not so good, what is the point to have only documented that of the bad and not the good.

I think I am done now with the nonsense rambling, I think?

Things are  wonderful with new Dom, I feel super content, wanted, needed, cared for, everything wonderful that one can hope for. I know I should continue to date but as of now I feel no need for it, I feel it would only complicate and confuse me.

But I still remain talking to a couple of the guys I have met through dating. The man I was talking with who was polly and submissive, we ended up going to the dungun together (as friends) tis fun trying to get two subbies together.... Which you wanna do? what do you want to do? No what do you want to do? I don't know? What are you thinking of? I don't know, what are you thinking of?...Yep can be a long night lol

So with that being said, that is kind of how our night started off down at the dungun. He wanted so badly to meet a Domme, I kept asking him what he wanted from a dommie all I got a lot of uncertainty (subs are a pain in the ass, I have been scratching my head as to wondering why Doms even deal with us lol) finally I got him thinking or he got me thinking....but I throw the offer out there again that I would be more than happy to Top him in the me playing the sadistic manner, if that is what he was looking for. He finally took up my offer. And I was more than up for it after teasing me that I could not put enough umph to cause him any pain. I so loathe when people underestimate my size.

I went and picked out a few implements, as he got undressed and laid on the table. I was a bit unsure of myself... worrying I would either be to gentil, or to hard. I started off with a few gentil tosses with a flogger and got a little more aggressive, maybe a bit too much so I was asked to tone it down. I did, it was not as much fun toned down, so I choose one of the other implements. A thick leather swatty thingy, it had a good thump, and loud crack to it. Also left his back a nice pinky/red color, then I went to a thinner brown leather thingy that had a super nice slapy sound, and leaving some sweet welts. He laid back as if in a massage parlor, every now and then I would get a good hard whack to get a reaction or grimace from him, then he would ask me to slow down, I reminded him that he is lucky he is starting off with a sub, a Domme would not be so giving lol. Not saying it was easy for me, he was kinda pissing me off, I wanted to say "Man it up" but seeing as the both of us are learning I thought better of it.

It was nice, I truly enjoyed beating his back...making it red, and welted and to top it I gave him a few little bruises. I am  kinda proud of myself, it is nice to know I can bring that aspect of me out, and not fear of hurting someone who would not want otherwise. It was also nice to know I could bring someone else to a happy/content state of mind. I am looking forward to bringing him even further into the bliss that pain can bring. But I also know that the closest to Domming anyone would be through pain, I could not do any sexule domming. Good thing for him and I, neither of us are looking for that aspect. Happy, happy, joy, joy all around.

I am looking forward to seeing where this may or may not go, I think he is as well.

 

Snow Break and Where I am At.

My kiddos are on "spring" break...and spring break up north can be sunny and in the late 70s or it can be snowy and in the 20s. Well this year my kiddos got snowy and in the 30s. Watch next week it will be sunny and in the 70s. lol Gotta love this time of the year.

Can't say I will be doing a lot of writing on here for the week, they tend to take over everything, I mean everything.

Dating has been ehhh... meet up with two gentlemen on Friday, one for lunch and the other for coffee. A back to back deal. Such fun!

The one is the Substitute School Teacher, so very sweet...I think I would scare the heck  out of him if he got to know me well. Very, very vanilla, and very, very ordinary...slightly boring but super sweet. I hate this part, I hate finding a guy who is so sweet and kind, but would not have a clue on how to handle me. He would be good as far as being dependable. But I would grow bored with ease.

The second guy is a 16 year sober lawyer, a self proclaimed honest lawyer...lawyer and honesty has to be the biggest oxymoron I have ever heard (it took all of me to refrain for being a smart ass and saying that). But I must say thus far he has been super straight up. Anyone that admits that they are a recovering heron addict, takes a lot of courage... especially on the first meeting. Though I was also straight up about my girls father which left him a open door opportunity. I don't think we would work as a couple but I can see being friends. He does fascinate me... and I so do love fascinating people.

I am going to take some advice of my fellow blogger's and reopen my Fetlife account and see if I can meet more like minded people, and maybe along the way meet a man that would better suet my needs. It will be a scary process for me but I feel it may be good to add that along with my vanilla dating.       

My sweet subbie and I have been trying to find time to hook up and play, which has been hard for us to arrange, for my kiddos are on spring brake this week and his are on spring brake next week. I am looking forward to it. Little ole me Domming a big guy, that would be something for sure...and my little tease has been out in full force.

That be my update for the week, now time for me to get the kiddos to clean...oh such fun.

Dating Up Date.

I don't know what I am doing here, I am drifting more and more away from this TTWD. Finding a Dom is not easy, nor practical. I am finding going that route, that there are more jerks just wanting one thing, and it is killing me inside; I have been there more than not and I am tired of it.

Being me gets me in to trouble, (especially my sexuality)  as I have said a million time before... men like bitches, and I don't want to be that...and,  I am tired of giving more of me than anyone truly deserves, my goodness has been nothing but a curse. Maybe though, just maybe I can find someone that is able to appreciate that about me.... and all my other silliness...and not take advantage of my sexuality or not run, as far as they can, as fast as they can...because I am something else (so I have been told more than once).  

This leads to the dating game of course, I have been talking to a few seemingly nice men... I consider nice to be someone who does not bring up sex with in the first few e-mails, Good god what am I coming into. And *claps hands* they are interested in me, getting to know me...getting to know me??? Wow! I know sex will come up...but at least when it does they already know more of me... I then do not become an object that is disposable. Also I am talking to older men (not super old, 8-12 year difference) I tend to have better luck that way, I have always dated older men for the fact that they appreciate women more. They are more secure, more accepting of who they are... no pretenses. Any time I have dated men close to my age (I have never dated younger) it has never been good, in any way.

So Friday I am meeting up with a substitute school teacher in the AM, we talked on the phone (no texting or endless e-mails, actual old school talking on the phone) for over an hour, just getting to know the little things about each other. It was nice, very nice. And in the evening I will be meeting an other gentlemen, he drives for a medical equipment company (I don't know why I am putting that out there lol). Both men live super close by which is very nice.

I am talking to an artist, and musician who also writes, both of course having day jobs. One is close to my age and no kids, which tends to be difficult... though I so do love the arts. The other has kids but also close to my age.

Poly guy, we are still talking but he and his wife are taking a step back from the scene. Which is a good thing, it gives him and I a chance to build a solid friendship;  both he and I agree that is the best angle if anything was to ever become of us. And it is nice to have a friend who understands me, even the deep dark scary parts and does not runaway. 

My subie and I had a date last week, and I have not heard from him since that day... though that is typical of him and through are conversation he warned me of that, so I is not worried. He is a very sweet man that does not look subbie at all... big Italian man, deep voice... assertive in his mannerisms.... this is way one should not judge a book by its cover. I was shocked but in a pleasant way... I have a thing for bigger men, not fat...just bigger, they are more lovable (kids father was, and my teddy bear as well) also I love hugs that I can feel.

Here I Go ....Off, Off and Away

I am a bit happy, I met an older gentleman, a Dom...and he is from my area, which is nice to just be able to chat with someone who has been in this life style for a while, and even better someone from the area who might be able to point me in the right direction, and maybe give me a little guidance for I am in need of that for sure.

I have a date next weekend set up with Mr. Poly guy... I am looking forward to it, and slightly nervous  but I am always nervous when meeting some one, no matter how long I have known them, I still get nervous meeting up, one of the many weird little glitches.

I am having fun, and meeting so many fun and interesting men but I can't get the longing to submit out of my mind... no matter how many times I tell myself I will make a hell of a Domme... and possibly it may be my calling (no laughing) unfortunately  it does not take that longing away.

Yet I also know I need to have these experiences. I always love to learn but could never learn through books. I have to put my hands in it, need to feel it fully for myself to get the better understanding. I am a big believer in you can not judge anyone till you have walked a mile in their shoes. I have been blessed to have walked many miles in different shoes, and have many more shoes and many more miles to go. Each mile I have traveled I have had new revelations and a better understandings of other people, more empathy, and learn with each and every mile that many of my judgement were so misguided.

Here to learning, and many new adventures.....

Foolish Girl or Just Plain Fun?

I am a glutton for punishment...a true masochist in every sense,  I shake my head at myself and say girl why do  you do the things you do?...and after doing that I still do what I want.

I have been talking to a man who is in a poly relationship with his wife, *asks one self why* I think my love to experience all the craziness that life has to offer, or I am the biggest commitment phob out there, i will go with the latter.

And yes it has been more then consider, with a date being set up.

Oh me, oh my...all I can do is laugh at my foolishness, I so do embrace my foolishness with my foolish pride.

I am very excited to meet him, we have a lot in common. Both having a strong interest in art, we both love the same kind of music, he loves being out in nature, very honest, very fourth coming...we have both put a lot of are rubbish on the table, and both having an understanding of that rubbish. We both have a dark side, both are understanding and non judgemental. He is interested in exploring his more Dominate side,(this is something his wife has no interest in at all) and well, as a sub that naturally integers me. Now that aspect of him or I was not brought up till we decided to set up a date.

Also this kinda set up allows me to play Dom with the other guy I met...I am really thinking it could be lots of fun.

I feel good about both, but I will only know with meeting up and time.

This shall be fun, if not fun it shall be interesting.