Been On the Out and Out.

I have not been myself; I think I have been doing more sleeping then living...I am so tired of being tired.

I am lagging behind and need to catch up quick before things fall apart so much that the thought of putting it all back together exhaust me all over again. One of the drawbacks of being a single mother is there are no such things as "sick days" no one will pick up you slack, no one will help you and get the dishes done, or maybe throw in a load of laundry....maybe pick up a piece of paper that falls onto the floor " Oh no, that is asking way too much". Nope all of that stuff will wait for me to be better, and pile up.

My dishes are so out of hand, that one's child would have to wash one's own fork, spoon, ect. and what does one's child say..."mom, I need a spoon and there are none" and mom responds "wash one" child says "whatcha talkin about mom, what is this washing you are speaking of?". Insanity!!! But they did let me sleep for the most part. Now I am up and shit needs to get done. And I have come to the conclusion that I am a shitty dictator.

Not only have I been down, but one by one each child has ran into a little tummy virus; so I have been trying my best to tend to their needs, all and all  it has been a long week, and I am hoping next will be better.

I Will Probably Piss People Off With This Post.

I was thinking of writing a post on slavery for a while, just because I have heard horror story's runny about the web. So called "doms" saying if I own you I can do anything as I please. Women abandoning their children, or worse. Working their ass off just to give it to a selfish abusing so called "dom". Prostituting for their so called "dom"...their "dom "taking away their self worth. Throwing them on the floor out of know where and choking them and when the slave acts as we all would act if one were being choked out of nowhere, we all would flee or fight it is a nature human reaction. And the so called "dom" says, you are no slave you don't trust me, and or you won't do what ever I ask for because you belong to me, so there for your life is mine.

Mind you before anyone starts to yell at me, I do realize that a true "Dom" would not do any of said above, a true "Dom" would respects his slaves hard limits, a good "Dom" would not put his slave in a position where she would feel she had to flee. I do understand that, I do...but the young women coming out don't, all they here is slave, and how much better a slave is then a sub. So then a predator sees that young doe like being...and traps her in his web...and takes her where no other sub has gone before. That makes me sad, and brings tears to my eyes. No human being should ever, ever feel that way...just to be called a slave.

I am not putting down all the healthy slave/Master relationships out there, many of the blogs I read do adhere to the Master/slave relationship...many of the women are in marriages and have started off with a good foundation. Many have educated themselves in what it is, and have talked to their Master thoroughly and their Masters respects them, and love them with out condition, that I do understand and say more power to you. And happy that one can find such an intense loving relationship.

 I just don't like the glorification of the word, I don't like the fact that to be a slave makes you better...not for any other reason then for the young naive women that come into this life style blindly, and end up living a life of misery and hell.

When I was with Sir, he did mention heading down that path and it did excite me. But I did get lost in the thoughts of the "what ifs"...there are things that are mine and mine alone...kids mine, mine, mine. House mine, mine, mine. My financial means, mine, mine, mine...my pets which I would never get rid of for anyone...mine mine mine.... my soul, my being, my essence, mineminemine... sounding a bit selfish here, I suppose I am.

Now giving of myself...I would love, taking care of, making Dom happy, I would love, being there, I would love...giving my body for him to use, it is his. But the rest is mine.

I would make a lousy slave...but I am an excellent sub, I think

And maybe my mind will change, maybe I misunderstood the word or the word is abused by the abusers and that scares me...because I am the type that takes things literally.

I Feel a Rant Coming On.....

"My life is easy" said daughter, if only she knew.

 I love my children more then anything in the world, but they are driving me insane;  OK just one is driving me insane... that is my oldest. She is nine,  moody, and unreasonable, ughh...  i thought the whole teenage thing did not start till they turned thirteen, right?!?!

I lost my motivation, I think it might be playing hide and seek. And with no motivation I have no want to look for it. Also daughter is not helping, good god of all... how the hell am I supposta survive tweens and teens? I have 3 girls...one after the other and the other. I could say it is karma, but I was of little trouble for my mom. I am prob getting my sister brunt of mama karma. Just not fair!!

I am needing a break from motherhood, I feel less and less like an adult every day....I get to read all the wonderful blogs out there and get a taste of what it is to be an adult. Yet not so much in my life. If I have to watch one more episode of the many horrid Disney shows out  there, I think i might go completely insane.

Insane I tell ya, insane in the membrane...


Yep!" My life is easy", said daughter.

Mama Karma is a bitch, said mom

Watch my middle who causes me little problem will get mama karma. So not fair.

Screwing and Getting Screwed.

   

     I think I need to learn to just let things be... being not to change a lightbulb  how the heck can changing a dagg light bulb be so difficult? Unscrew remove,  screw new one back in. Wa-law done!! Nope not in my house. Only one was burned out... could of let it be. I mean I could still see (mind you it had been burned out for months) but I had new light bulbs and so unlike me I decided to get it done now instead of putting it off for tomorrow. Now I see why I always put thing off till tomorrow. Now thinking about it changing a light bulb at night probably.... was not the best of ideas, really can't see things as well especially seeing as it is a ceiling light. Oh well... end result is I broke one of the light sockets trying to get an old lightbulb out. Now I know what I will be doing tomorrow. And this has nothing at all to do with D/s relationship, other than the screwing part, and the fact it was a pain in the ass (unfortunately not the good pain).