I Will Probably Piss People Off With This Post.

I was thinking of writing a post on slavery for a while, just because I have heard horror story's runny about the web. So called "doms" saying if I own you I can do anything as I please. Women abandoning their children, or worse. Working their ass off just to give it to a selfish abusing so called "dom". Prostituting for their so called "dom"...their "dom "taking away their self worth. Throwing them on the floor out of know where and choking them and when the slave acts as we all would act if one were being choked out of nowhere, we all would flee or fight it is a nature human reaction. And the so called "dom" says, you are no slave you don't trust me, and or you won't do what ever I ask for because you belong to me, so there for your life is mine.

Mind you before anyone starts to yell at me, I do realize that a true "Dom" would not do any of said above, a true "Dom" would respects his slaves hard limits, a good "Dom" would not put his slave in a position where she would feel she had to flee. I do understand that, I do...but the young women coming out don't, all they here is slave, and how much better a slave is then a sub. So then a predator sees that young doe like being...and traps her in his web...and takes her where no other sub has gone before. That makes me sad, and brings tears to my eyes. No human being should ever, ever feel that way...just to be called a slave.

I am not putting down all the healthy slave/Master relationships out there, many of the blogs I read do adhere to the Master/slave relationship...many of the women are in marriages and have started off with a good foundation. Many have educated themselves in what it is, and have talked to their Master thoroughly and their Masters respects them, and love them with out condition, that I do understand and say more power to you. And happy that one can find such an intense loving relationship.

 I just don't like the glorification of the word, I don't like the fact that to be a slave makes you better...not for any other reason then for the young naive women that come into this life style blindly, and end up living a life of misery and hell.

When I was with Sir, he did mention heading down that path and it did excite me. But I did get lost in the thoughts of the "what ifs"...there are things that are mine and mine alone...kids mine, mine, mine. House mine, mine, mine. My financial means, mine, mine, mine...my pets which I would never get rid of for anyone...mine mine mine.... my soul, my being, my essence, mineminemine... sounding a bit selfish here, I suppose I am.

Now giving of myself...I would love, taking care of, making Dom happy, I would love, being there, I would love...giving my body for him to use, it is his. But the rest is mine.

I would make a lousy slave...but I am an excellent sub, I think

And maybe my mind will change, maybe I misunderstood the word or the word is abused by the abusers and that scares me...because I am the type that takes things literally.

I Feel a Rant Coming On.....

"My life is easy" said daughter, if only she knew.

 I love my children more then anything in the world, but they are driving me insane;  OK just one is driving me insane... that is my oldest. She is nine,  moody, and unreasonable, ughh...  i thought the whole teenage thing did not start till they turned thirteen, right?!?!

I lost my motivation, I think it might be playing hide and seek. And with no motivation I have no want to look for it. Also daughter is not helping, good god of all... how the hell am I supposta survive tweens and teens? I have 3 girls...one after the other and the other. I could say it is karma, but I was of little trouble for my mom. I am prob getting my sister brunt of mama karma. Just not fair!!

I am needing a break from motherhood, I feel less and less like an adult every day....I get to read all the wonderful blogs out there and get a taste of what it is to be an adult. Yet not so much in my life. If I have to watch one more episode of the many horrid Disney shows out  there, I think i might go completely insane.

Insane I tell ya, insane in the membrane...


Yep!" My life is easy", said daughter.

Mama Karma is a bitch, said mom

Watch my middle who causes me little problem will get mama karma. So not fair.

Rape...

I am sicken with our justice system, I am sicken with boys who think drunk girls are free game, I am sicken that rape victims are treated as if they were the ones who comminuted a crime. It is time for us as society to stop blaming girls, stop putting all the control on the girls... stop using the saying "oh well boys will be boys".

 If a girl dresses provocative  oh she wants to be fucked, she wants to be degrade  cut down, diminished as a human being, if a girl gets drunk then she is asking for it... but boys oh no, they get drunk, well again "boys will boys be boys". I am tired that the system still justified rape... oh than we have politicians who act as if rape is on the girl, its an excuse for a girl to get an abortion because you know "a girl cant get pregnant if she is raped". What is next?

 Again diminish the responsibility of boys, lets say that they have no ownership of their actions, just keep up letting the creeps get away with mistreating girls, and what does that say, it says boys have every right to fuck any drunk girl any girls that dresses provocative I say it is time for boys to take RESPONSIBILITY !! for their actions. Drunk or not, dressed provocative or not, hey even if the girl likes it rough, or likes multiple partners, or is consider a slut... whatever... does not mean she asked for it. A girl has a choice, all times has a choice...she is not public property, she is a human being worth every bit of respect.

Boys need to become men. I always thought that a man was the protractor not perpetrator  that is how my mom brought up my brother.. and he is a loving and doting husband.

Where is it that parents are going wrong? Why are men not teaching their sons to respect women, to see their value? I feel it is time in this country,  a country of the free, a supposed country that has high morels and values, to stand up for our daughters, our sisters, our mothers, and so on.

You may be asking yourself what causes such a rant, this does.

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/12/17/sports/high-school-football-rape-case-unfolds-online-and-divides-steubenville-ohio.html?pagewanted=all

/http://www.nytimes.com/2012/12/17/sports/high-school-football-rape-case-unfolds-online-and-divides-steubenville-ohio.html?pagewanted=all

How Not To Find Sanity in a Insane World.

I am losing it or I have already lost it, or maybe somewhere in between... I'll go with in between, that will at least give me hope, and hope is good... at least I hope so. Oh good god of all, I need ether to cry, to scream or to dig a whole and bury myself in it.

 My house is chaos, it is in disarray... I am in a roundabout...and I don't know how to get out of it. I need order; I cannot take any more of this... I clean, kids mess, I give up kids still mess, I yell kids mess, I bribe… still a mess... I pull my hair out... house is still a mess...with my hair all over. Oh and little shit head puppy makes sure she gets her shear of the mess in to.

To make matters worse kids have a three day week at school, I am beginning to loathe holidays, weekends snow days and summer. Now I understand my mom, as I never have before...and am getting why she does not see her grandkids much. We burnt the poor women out, and my girls are working me the same way. My oldest had the audacity to ask me to home-school her "HOME-SCHOOL!!" is she kidding me... I would rather go to the dentist and have him/her pull my teeth out with no Novocain then homeschooling...Homeschooling would be pure torture.

So I am thinking I may be losing my mind, or already have... not sure, still debating it. But I need to try to make it another 11 years sane... or not..... I could always get a cardboard box in a dark ally, Wow!! that is sounding kind of peaceful about now. But knowing my luck they will follow...lol

Begging

   I do not do begging well, I am quite horrible at it. I question my lack of begging skills... though I don't think I ever did it well even as a child. Mom would say "No" and that was end of discussion... whatever it was I wanted I guess I could do without.

   I am thinking was there ever anything I could not do without. As a child... we were by no means spoiled. We got on our birthdays and christmas. No big...as my dad says wanting builds character,( I should have plenty of that by now lol). Again not complaining because when you get it makes it even more wonderful.

   So begging... I hate it.. I feel silly. I want to do good at it for Sir but when I start at it, all I come up with is please and pretty please... over and over, so redundant. I could offer him something in return but what do you offer someone who you would do almost anything to or for.

   Begging..how I loathe it. I would rather be paddled with the evil little stick. Would rather stand in the corner with a red ass, I would rather have my tits tortured till warm to touch, till the softest of touches hurts. How is it that such a simple thing such as begging caused me such distress. Most children do it with ease,, with conviction. Not me.

Maybe one day I'll get it, though I doubt it.

Frustrated

     I am so frustrated and I don't know why, it is this pent up feeling that just does not want to leave. I don't know what it is... why am I feeling this way? I hate this; I hate when you feel shity and have no reason to. I want to cry, but can't get any emotion out what so ever. I want to scream but nothing comes out of my mouth. It's an empty kind of gloom, a lingering darkness that is not quite sure if it wants to consume me yet. Broken but not shattered, and all I want to do is fall to pieces so I can put me back together again. To top it off, I am avoiding friends... why do I do this?? Why? I ask me why?  Oh the conversation I have in my head.

Screwing and Getting Screwed.

   

     I think I need to learn to just let things be... being not to change a lightbulb  how the heck can changing a dagg light bulb be so difficult? Unscrew remove,  screw new one back in. Wa-law done!! Nope not in my house. Only one was burned out... could of let it be. I mean I could still see (mind you it had been burned out for months) but I had new light bulbs and so unlike me I decided to get it done now instead of putting it off for tomorrow. Now I see why I always put thing off till tomorrow. Now thinking about it changing a light bulb at night probably.... was not the best of ideas, really can't see things as well especially seeing as it is a ceiling light. Oh well... end result is I broke one of the light sockets trying to get an old lightbulb out. Now I know what I will be doing tomorrow. And this has nothing at all to do with D/s relationship, other than the screwing part, and the fact it was a pain in the ass (unfortunately not the good pain).