I had a wonderfully lazy weekend and I enjoy every second of it with out a bit of guilt. Now I have lots of chores to catch up on but I am OK with that, well worth a good lazy weekend.
I feel I am getting closer to a good point, closer to an understanding of myself. I have made a few positive changes, I have been working hard on expressing my feelings, and thus far it has been a positive experience. I have been trying harder at easing my anxiety as well, I have been drawing, and it has been a wonderful tool; it also gives me a sense of accomplishment. Also I have been working on the knowledge of knowing that it is a process not a race. One thing at a time, so not to pressure myself, fail, and than give up.
My goal this week is going to do with house chores, to find a way to split them up so I do not feel overwhelmed by all I have to do. I tend to get overwhelmed and give up, throw the towel in per say...but hopefully with finding a good balance I will be able to get more done, with less stress.
I am holding off on the simplest of all my goals and that is calling my Mama. How can something so simple make the hart race, anxiety go through the roof ...and the overwhelming feeling of dread? Something about my mother that makes me always feel like a child, she always knows how to make me feel small. I truly do not believe she does it on purpose. I am realizing as getting older that my mom lacks a brain to mouth filter but even with that knowledge her opinions of me still hit like a fist to the jaw. But I must add that sometimes talking to her can be very uplifting it is I just don't know what I will get with her...so I will tell myself " it is a process, one little step at a time". All better :)
